I met Rafael when I came to Rotterdam for a lecture, I was very sick and we did not talk much but he seemed to be very patient about it. We met because we were both neen, as Miltos said. Now Rafael is having this show and he asked me and many of the other neen people to contribute. First I was thinking of writing a whole book because I had some essays I liked and I wanted to write a few more to complete it as a book, but it just did not go well, luckily then a hand of God touched me and I decided to write a short history of neen, short enough to distribute it as a poster.
In order to tell the story of neen, or as much as I know about it, I have to start with 1998 when I enlisted in the Serbian army in Kosovo. Not many people know, but at this point the war in Kosovo was already very alive and there was lots of fighting in the deep woods. Many people from my generation were enlisted in the army and fighting. Of course there was plenty of fighting to be done, but just as in any army – we were mostly snorting cocaine, getting drunk and watching movies on VHS. Sometime we would walk around the woods, and we would hear a noise and fire about several thousand bullets and bombs at it and then run away. And sometimes we would have sex with local girls for money (we would pay them), but since their parents wanted them to marry as virgins – only anal and oral sex was allowed.
One day I got so messed up on drugs and drinks that I fucked this sixteen year from a local village, but in her pussy, and then I got very paranoid that she would get pregnant and that her father would want to kill me, so I ran to the deep woods in the middle of the night alone.
I spent the whole night getting more and more lost and at some point I just fell over and looked at the stars which started moving slowly in circles… I was sure I was losing it, but I liked it, and when I though back about how I got there – I liked it all. I liked everything or, better said, I loved everything: the girl, the drugs, the father, the war, the stars, the whole mess and everything that was good and bad. Everything was loved by me.
But than I heard this horrible noise in the back of my head and in the beginning it was very fuzzy but slowly it became more and more understandable until I realized it was a repeating word. I never heard this word before but it was so powerful yet so simple. It was like a little cute child that had its finger on a button which can destroy the world. I was both terrified and drawn to it.
I never told this story to anyone and most of my friends don’t even know I was in the war and that I murdered and raped fellow humans. I was afraid to tell them, and I do not know why, but now I am happy there is a poster about it.
After the war was over I went to live in Milano which is where I met Miltos and Mike and later I met everybody else and that is about when Miltos started saying I am neen. Since than everybody fucked, betrayed, loved and hated everybody else – and it is all just fine.
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