there is a tendency in my behavior to choose very particular groups with areas: internet art within art (hobby), ironman triathlon within sports (recreation) and internet design within design (career). not only these groups are marginal but this is not enough for me but i try as hard as i can to be quite disconnected from the groups themselves while i always linger around some obscure imaginary level which is neither top nor bottom, maybe closer to top actually and i reach it quick but i do not progress.
internet art is super obscure, ironman triathlon as well is a bizarre sport, and designing for internet, especially the way i imagine i should do it, is again one of the most marginal of all design trades.
i never feel comfortable, i am always nervous and frustrated by how things are… it is like constant… and stupid…
very strange all these selections.
i should have chosen to paint, play football and sell socks.
climbing social hierarchy, although often overestimated as the greatest challenge for the human brain, is super easy, if you give a fuck about it that is. to get anything done you have to care about it. and i noticed for me it is easy to climb it up to a certain point and then i get bored and do something else. i ended up with knowing a lot of people in different areas but not having my roots anywhere.
i wonder if this is a state of things for people my age, if this is same for everybody, or just me…