here is some pulp psychology:

i had several careers in my life, or maybe i have several parallel things that i do, and from time to time one is more dominant than others. this can change over days, weeks, months or years. i am multitasking always and over time i learned to spread my energy and equally develop things also making sure that each helps the other. it took a lot of time to get this system going. it is not easy but it pays off as i can not imagine myself being one thing person.

i heard somewhere karl marx was super frustrated by the fact that people were forced to be one thing person in capitalism (at least capitalism the way he saw it back than) and therefore he considered it a bad solution. i do not like karl marx, i do not have anything against communism and i do not like stupid generalizations like this, obviously made for the sake of cheap marketing, but that statement has some small truth to it, at least for me. i do not feel happy doing one thing. it does not fulfill me.

what i like is that when i talk to rafael or angelo or someone like that i am like this artists with my websites and art poems and such stuff and thats awesome… then i talk to my clients and work partners and i am this guy who charges for telling people how to do stuff online and i enjoy that very much… then i come to stellenbosch and i am surrounded by world class athletes (what a cheesy phrase) and i can finally be, after five years of training, some sort of an athlete… theres more but i will stop here.

today i was an athlete mostly even though i did little training and i did work and thought about million other things.

identity is a strange thing, it is hard to build it nowdays, or maybe it was always hard. but today there are a lot of options and it takes a lot of work to really carve yourself into something stable. takes decades. i think a lot of people quit on that and submit to various pressures and choose pre-made identities. this is not necessarily bad (what is bad anyway?) but i think it does in a lot of cases cause unhappiness.

i think it is definitely worth developing (discovering) your own identity for a bit longer than rushing into it.

anyway… figuring it out is hard and never complete…