today i am 31 years old.

i like birthdays because it is an excuse to have a dinner with friends etc… unfortunately i was too lazy to plan anything more elaborate so i can not expect much people to show up but thats cool. i just arrived few days ago and did not get around all the stuff yet.

however it is amazing how much people are afraid of age. i really did not think about 30 or 31 as anything special. these numbers go up and i am aware of them well ahead. i mean, its not like i’m surprised that i am 31. i knew i will be 31 since i know about myself. but most people i tell i am 31 are super scared, as if i tell them i have some plague.

i get comments like: hey you have still many good years ahead of you, or people are just: what you are 31?!?!

it does not bother me although it is not an ideal reaction, not the most fun reaction. i think it comes from people who get carried away in things and loose sense of reality a bit – on this blog i mentioned many times the constant state of escapist paranoia the average person is in – and than they are surprised when such things go through the bubble.

i do not think 31 is neither good nor bad age. there is nothing about age that is anything. time passes. it is a fact. bodies grow old and eventually dye. we have very limited time. better use it for fun stuff, easy stuff, relaxing stuff, than doing stuff i do not like. i have always lived in constant fear of death due to this constant lack of escapist paranoia. i tried very much to have it but i can not achieve it.

so for me being 31 or 91 or 11 is more or less the same. i have this fear of end of my life all the time.

but it does not make me a grim person i think, i hope. it did force me to make different choices and to try to explore how to enjoy more. enjoying more does not necessarily mean to get drunk, fuck and fool around every day. enjoying more is very very simple. it is about a bit of modesty and a bit about ambition and a bit about figuring out what kind of particular things i like.

i have learned a lot in last 31 years and got much more to learn.

thanks for the messages…