i know a girl in worcester and i do not see her often but she always seamed like a very cool, relaxed and happy person. during my visit yesterday and today i got a chance to meet her and she quickly almost casually told me she was diagnosed with manic depression disorder and is on heavy medication.

i had some experiences with psychiatrists when i was younger. actually i was only a year older than she is. i will not get into the details of my “craziness” through which i spiralled for several months but it’s important to say that i do not see it as a negative experience at all, but as a huge learning experience which helps me understand myself and others. the point is not everyone can be “correct” 24/7 especially when you are around 18!

what pisses me off that people, just like i did, end up with some psychiatrist who is too old to remember how it is to be young and full of strange chemicals (your own chemicals, from food, from whatever…) and than this psychiatrists is very quick in classifying you within only few quite extreme illnesses and of course the only way to cure them is medication.

i was lucky that my psychiatrist was quite down to earth but even he was so happy to put me on some quite heavy stuff. the other psychiatrist i have seen was even more extreme and thought i was paranoid schizophrenic. i think if i still decided to talk to these people i would probably end up being committed or drugged for the rest of my life while my problem was nothing more than usual teenage mess and a bit of insecurity which just went away one day (i still cherish a healthy dose of insecurity as i find it crucial for my quality of life).

anyway, my point is there is a reason why movies like “one flew over the cuckoo’s nest” were made. psychiatrists, like all other groups of people, fight for their own power position in the world. they are very persuasive. they want to be right and they want to exercise their power. this however does not mean that they are right.

i find it silly that teenagers are often drugged or considered mentally ill. i actually never met a person that did not have some kind of a mess in their head especially when they were between 17 and 20 years old. it is only that different people show their mess differently. some hide it very well, some are very clear about it. some study too much, some swim too much, some rob, some do drugs, some do nothing, some have a lot of sex… whatever they do its a mess and its normal to be in a mess. its how it is.

anything else is just bullshit and it pisses me off how psychiatrists are so keen to tell kids to take some of the most destructive and dangerous chemicals.

however i still think it is good to talk to someone who can understand you and who is objective as long as they are not keen on drugging you.