there are definitions and classifications for our relationships to other people.

father, wife, business partner, enemy, rival, client, teammate, fuck buddy, neighbor, friend.

each definition carries a predetermined set of attitudes and procedures towards these people.

sort of like a program.

IF “father” AND IF teenage hormone HIGH THEN angry at “father”

IF “business partner” MAKE money THEN love “business partner”

there is no way around it, a lot of these are genetic or cultural, and pretty much unchangeable.

any change in these definitions, relationships and reactions would probably cause an extreme antisocial mess in anyone’s life.

the problem, like always, is in the use of language, or understanding of these words which we define.

one word seems to be called upon often but is totally unclear to me – friend.

is friend someone who entertains you?

someone kisses your ass, goes to movies with you, pays your drinks…

all forms of entertainment, rest & relaxation.

useful, like a massage or a good joke, important for stress control.

but i am best entertained by people who i just met and who are much younger than me.

no baggage or history.

is friend someone who helps?

firemen and policemen help me.

kid downstairs gave me free internet access and i will never again meet him. they are not really friends.

also in some cases helping friends just makes them angry.

it shows they are weak and you are not.

is friend someone who understands you?

by understanding i mean someone who accepts me as i am fully.

does not happen.

when people are young they are stupid.

when they are old they are busy (if not still stupid).

so either lack of time or ability to understand much beyond basic needs.

also you are probably best understood by someone like a salesman.

salesmen are rewarded for that knowledge, friends are usually not rewarded.

so i am not very clear on this friend thing.

people keep saying to me:

we are friends and that is important.

i do not work with friends.

let’s stay friends.

i value our friendship.

but no one really knows how to define this relationship.

there are people in my life whom i call friends.

they are there when needed.

they make an effort to understand me.

i try to help or at least to figure out if they need help.

we have fun together.

i am happy they are part of a close circle of people around me.

but still that word confuses me.